Writing helps

My journal

I will make no sense, to anyone. He has everything, amazing kids,good job money, good health. And above all people that love him.

Some of the people that love him, other ones that pushed him here.

I was looking for love, for a bit of attention, to be important. And today I’m all that for some other people. And today I can’t give any more. I need to get. But not just from anyone. But From you. Unfortunately, that is not how this works.

And I cannot place it, it’s too much, it hurts too much, I want to be open, I want to be me, I want to be enough, but I’m never going to be all that.

It hurts to know, that I hate myself, that I despise myself, that I failed myself. It hurts myself that I will feel my kids. And I have no way of explaining it. I’m just a coward. And there is no other way.

Heartbroken for two failed marriages, heartbroken for loss love

Heartbroken For being misunderstood

Heartbroken from lost friends

Heartbroken because of a narcissistic dad

Heartbroken, because I can’t look in the mirror anymore

I still have love

Love for my kids

Love For Luba

Love for my dog

Love for my cat

Love for my mum

Love for my friends

The love is still here

And that is the problem

I have too much love

To give

I just want some back